Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Live Blogging the Theology of the Body as seen on Public Access.....VIII

12:08: Housedress lady gave up on the pants. Good for you housedress lady. It's all about going back to your roots. She's reaching into her bag o' fun and has pulled out a slinky, which she is now, I shit you not, absentmindedly stroking. For real.

12:11 Now she seems to want to take baptism from... a water fountain? Oh, I so totally knew that bitch was into water sports.

12:15: Now they're talking about civil unions. From what I understand, for Father Bob, that's a euphemism for gay sex. There's no sacrament here. The priest is "witness" to a real marriage only. I guess a priest is only party to a "civil union" in the rectory with the alter boys.

12:20: Wow. So apparently a civil union is not marriage. Father Bob is on fire now. I believe he just likened, "So called gay marriage" to a union between two chocolate chip cookies, as opposed to that between a man and a woman. Oh sweet lord, the meta level of joke available here is too huge for a novice like me to take a crack at.

12:22: Father Bob just introduced the words, "Creation Activity". That sorta sounds like something you'd see on Skinimax doesn't it? Like, "Creation Activities II: When Cinnamon Hunnies Attack". How very, very progressive of you Father Bob.

12:25: What about infertile people? Does Father Bob think they can fuck??? Housedress Lady says resoundingly...."NO". Father Bob on the other hand seems to thinks that if people intend to have children and can't, it's okay for them to "partake of the flesh" so long as they give back to community. Hmm...it seems that onanism is narrowly averted if you collect canned goods for the poor. Hey Father Bob: I've got a few dented cans of Dinty Moore in my cupboard. I'll put that in the community kitchen if you'll throw down a couple of Hail Marys for my behavior last Saturday night.

Wow- my two favorite parishioners are ALL kinds of fired up tonight. I guess it's because of the new era of the achtung Pope. It's like the Theology of the Body 2.0- The Ratz version. Stay tuned for next time when Father Bob explains how gay people cause global warming and Housedress Lady reminds us that every time a woman take a birth control pill Jesus kills a baby angel.
Posted by LMM14_1 :: 7:45 AM :: 0 Comments:

Post or Read Comments

***********************************************************************************************