Tuesday, April 26, 2005 Well, my best friend's fiance suggested that, rather than being sheepish about my degenerate trash mouth, I should embrace it and attempt to, in some way shape or form, discuss "ass fucking" in every post for one week. This actually seemed like a fun exercise (the word game you perverts, the word game) so I thought I'd give it a try. In exchange for the idea of this exercise and some free medical advice given to me by said best friend's fiance I hereby christen this week of posting the Week I Use The Use Words "Ass Fucking" In Every Post. The rules of the Word(s) of the Week game are as follows: 1. The words may be varied slightly, but the meaning must remain intact. 2. The posts must not be out of character posts- that is, the Word(s) of the Week cannot dictate the post, rather the Word(s) must somehow be made to work within the framework of whatever I'd normally be posting. 3. The Word(s) of the Week cannot be simply used as a title for the post or as some sort of non-sequitur expletive i.e. "What an Ass-Fucker" 4. Since posting can be sporadic from week to week, once Word(s) of the Week are selected, the next five posts are subject to the rules of the game. 5. I will take suggestions for future Word(s) of Week the via the "Say What? comment link in this post. OK- Game on.  
Friday, April 22, 2005 Cue the harp music and the warm fuzzy wide angel shots of cherubs. And heeeeeeeeeeeres Father Bob and Housedress Lady. 1:02 OMG Housedress Lady is wearing pants. End of world sure to follow. 1:02 OK..moving right along. Father Bob is talking about Adam and Eve, and how they "loved" each other. Not only did they do it, they "watched themselves love each other". Hmm....the primordial money shot. Nice visual Father Bob. 1:05 Housedress lady has a prop. She's brought something along to help demonstrate, to help illustrate, and to help symbolize the loving view the church has of the body. Yup- she's got herself a knife. I shit you not. She's now waving the knife around to explain that the knife, like the body, has many purposes. She's explaining that the knife can be used in many ways, but some are "good" and some are "bad" as it is with physical love. She's now stabbing the knife towards Father Bob to help demonstrate "bad" loving. Fair point Housedress lady- that knife looks like a pumper to me. 1:10 Father Bob is now comparing the urge to eat potato chips to the urge to rut like a feral animal. I mean, I like chips and everything, but listen Father Bob, if you think THAT'S what you gave up when you put on the collar..........well....whatever gets you through the day I guess. 1:12 Oooh ooh! Here we go with original sin. Adam and Eve ate the apple, "and their eyes were opened and they knew they were naked." So, they basically, they ate the apple and felt a draft. 1:15 After original sin comes the shame. Housedress lady says the shame comes from "loving" in a way that opposes the value system that God put in place. What did Adam break out some nipple clamps or something? 1:18 House dress lady has pulled another prop out of her goodie bag- a busted pair of glasses. I have no idea what she's doing now. 1:19 She just asked Father Bob to kiss her. Shit. This is so totally why women shouldn't be allowed to wear pants. 1:22 Back to the glasses- They are meant to show how after original sin our vision is skewed and if we look at a naked body we only see the "dirty parts". Yeah- a grown woman just said "dirty parts". And it seems that Adam and Eve, once they had their vision skewed, got so embarrassed by this "dirtiness" that they busted out the fig leaves to hide their dirty parts. I wonder when they decided to start decorating them. Maybe on the 12th day Adam created cock rings? 1:25 Father Bob says that once someone accepts Christ as their savior they can "see" correctly again, which apparently makes the dirty parts occasionally look small, hairless and attached to young children. 1:29 Housedress lady is still wearing the busted glasses. Christ, this woman is so uptight she makes Laura Bush look like that Varsity Blues chick in the whipped cream bikini. Well, these two never fail to be absolutely unintentionally hilarious. I promise to better about sharing this rapture with you. Until next time, be blessed and keep those dirty parts to yourself.
Friday, April 15, 2005 And yes, I am aware of the fact that saying this makes me a very, very bad person (an awareness which makes me want to smoke even more). That is all.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005 Recently, there's been a lot of talk about abstinence only education in the schools. For those of you who are not acquainted with this hideous fusion of church and state, allow me to give some (VERY topical) background. It's government money given to schools on the condition that sex education be what is called Abstinence Only. There are several caveats that the schools must strictly adhere to or risk being stripped of these badly needed funds. The crux of these caveats is that "sex-ed" programs must have as their exclusive purpose the teaching of abstinence and that sex inside of the context of marriage is the universal standard. Birth control cannot be discussed except in terms of its failure rates. Basically, it's perpetuating a hetero-normative, sex-negative, and inherently Christian value system in our schools. Besides the fact that if you want to teach your kid to be a sheet wearing homophobe I think it should be done in the privacy of your own trailer, this is also dangerous in the context of public health. By not teaching kids about sex and contraception we put them in the dangerous position of making uninformed decisions which, in my mind, is tantamount to murder. The Clap is not our number one fear anymore...kids are contracting diseases that are KILLING THEM. And we basically have a government mandate to continue this. And it's not just in the schools now. There is a government website called 4 Parents. Please keep in mind that this is .gov site. It's really chilling that medically incorrect information is being perpetuated by the government as impartial fact (chilling but not surprising I guess). This article points out a lot of inconsistencies on the site, but here are a few of my favorite gems. **In vitro fertilization: A technique in which a female egg cell is removed from the body and placed in a culture dish to which sperm are added. After fertilization has occurred, the embryo is placed in the female's uterus, where it develops into a child. (From the Glossary Section) On a lighter note: The website defines masturbation as: "Self-stimulation of the genitals that may lead to orgasm". May lead to orgasm? We know the Right is ineffectual on many levels, but wow........ that's a new low.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005  You know it baby... (From the Germatriculator via Karmic Irony)
Thursday, April 07, 2005 Don't let anyone tell you I don't have my fingers on the pulse of the nation...
Another Contribution from the Brain Trust on the Right....
Hiding behind smoke & mirrors politico double speak, Owens says, "This bill does not give patients all the information that they deserve, nor does it safeguard basic freedom of conscience." These ass-backwards conservative politicians make me crazy. This bill would have required a hospital to provide a victim, who's been sexually assaulted, with information about how to keep this attack from resulting in an unwanted pregnancy- how can anyone say that the fault of the bill is a lack of information??? Also, I think it's pretty important to note that the opponents of this bill are the same anti-choice politicos hemming and hawing about abortion. Doesn't anyone think that, maybe, just maybe, preventing unwanted pregnancies in the first place might reduce the number of abortions in any given state? I guess since this is the same demographic that also believes not putting condoms in schools is going to lead to less sex and less disease, that this is stupid question for me to ask. But really- is pointing out faulty reasoning and huge disconnects in anti-choice logic maybe a good place to start when trying to reframe the conversation? It's as simple as saying to someone: "if your ultimate goal is to reduce the number of abortions in your state, wouldn't you think that making sex ed and contraceptives widely available might help you achieve this goal?" But then I worry that talking this way, especially about reducing the number of abortions, could be dangerously misinterpreted as conceding the high moral ground (cough, Hillary, cough).
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