Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Live Blogging the Theology of the Body as seen on Public Access.....VIII

12:08: Housedress lady gave up on the pants. Good for you housedress lady. It's all about going back to your roots. She's reaching into her bag o' fun and has pulled out a slinky, which she is now, I shit you not, absentmindedly stroking. For real.

12:11 Now she seems to want to take baptism from... a water fountain? Oh, I so totally knew that bitch was into water sports.

12:15: Now they're talking about civil unions. From what I understand, for Father Bob, that's a euphemism for gay sex. There's no sacrament here. The priest is "witness" to a real marriage only. I guess a priest is only party to a "civil union" in the rectory with the alter boys.

12:20: Wow. So apparently a civil union is not marriage. Father Bob is on fire now. I believe he just likened, "So called gay marriage" to a union between two chocolate chip cookies, as opposed to that between a man and a woman. Oh sweet lord, the meta level of joke available here is too huge for a novice like me to take a crack at.

12:22: Father Bob just introduced the words, "Creation Activity". That sorta sounds like something you'd see on Skinimax doesn't it? Like, "Creation Activities II: When Cinnamon Hunnies Attack". How very, very progressive of you Father Bob.

12:25: What about infertile people? Does Father Bob think they can fuck??? Housedress Lady says resoundingly...."NO". Father Bob on the other hand seems to thinks that if people intend to have children and can't, it's okay for them to "partake of the flesh" so long as they give back to community. Hmm...it seems that onanism is narrowly averted if you collect canned goods for the poor. Hey Father Bob: I've got a few dented cans of Dinty Moore in my cupboard. I'll put that in the community kitchen if you'll throw down a couple of Hail Marys for my behavior last Saturday night.

Wow- my two favorite parishioners are ALL kinds of fired up tonight. I guess it's because of the new era of the achtung Pope. It's like the Theology of the Body 2.0- The Ratz version. Stay tuned for next time when Father Bob explains how gay people cause global warming and Housedress Lady reminds us that every time a woman take a birth control pill Jesus kills a baby angel.
Posted by LMM14_1 :: 7:45 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Friday, July 22, 2005

Indication # 8,674,094 that I am a very, very bad person

I fell asleep last night with the TV on and when I awoke this morning Montel Williams was on. (See how I set that up so the people on the internets don't think I watch that stuff on purpose?)

Well, today on Montel there was a gut wrenching story about a young woman in the prime of her life, who was accidentally shot by some drunk asshole playing with a revolver in the apartment next door to her. The bullet came through the wall and hit her in the spine, paralyzing her from the waist down. Sad right?

Montel goes on to discuss how this has affected her life. The poor, paralyzed young woman offered up some life affirming statement about Jesus and also about her new husband. She goes on the explain that a year after this terrible tragedy, she was married. Cue the montage of her in a white gown, being carried down the aisle by her glowing groom.

And you know what? My first thought was not, "What a strong person for being able to carry on her life and find happiness". Oh, no. My first thought was "This woman was able to find a man willing to commit to a lifetime of changing her colostomy bag and I can't even scrounge up a date for my best friend's wedding. That's just fucking great".

A very, very bad person indeed.
Posted by LMM14_1 :: 11:18 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Friday, July 01, 2005

Gone Partyin'

In 5 minutes I am leaving New York and heading to that den of inequity that is Las Vegas. One of the few real upshots to being single in your mid (ok, late) twenties and working a job you hate because it pays well is that should you decide to go to Vegas for a long weekend at the last minute- well, you can.

So I am.

May god have mercy on my soul...and my liver.
Posted by LMM14_1 :: 11:04 AM :: 4 Comments:

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