Time To Take The Cyanide Pill
Sunday, October 30, 2005 Note to self- When planning to split a bottle of vodka with three friends, dinner is NOT OPTIONAL.  
Friday, October 28, 2005 2. Ran 3.5 miles on most beautiful path in the city 3. Saw a man take a piss on the New York Public Library 4. Got re-dumped by most recent ex via email at work** 5. Consumed no food but had two beers 6. Saw two mice in my apartment that I am no longer afraid of 7. Named said mice Jeebus1 and Jeebus2. And no, I cannot tell them apart. 8. Went on a very cool last minute date 9. Made second date whereby I will kick said date's ass at scrabble. Overall- not a bad day. ** Um...can I get a little blog based hallelujah for what a ginormous pussy this dude is? I mean really, over email? At work?
Tuesday, October 25, 2005 Behold: everybody's favorite celebu-skank and what has been christened by Gawker , Defamer and pretty much every other time sucking gossip blog in the sphere as..... (drum roll please)....... The ASS-GOITER. 
Tuesday, October 18, 2005 Yeah- well I don't have one of those. I do, however, have a new fashion consultant. Today when I was walking into the office the Mexican construction worker who so liked my outfit last week gave me only a perfunctory, "Hey mami. How you doin?". No moaning, no crotch grabbing. I have to say- I'm a little put out. Perhaps I should have gone with the taupe camisole under this jacket? Let's see what he thinks of my new knee high boots tomorrow. PS- This is perhaps the most wonderful thing I have ever seen in my entire life. A complete list of words made up by the Simpsons, defined, with both the episode listed and cross referenced with anything that may have contributed to the etymology of the Simpson word. Example: Skittlebrau PPS- The fact that something like this exists gives me more pleasure and satisfaction than any man in my life possibly could. PPPS- Perhaps this is why there is no man in my life. PPPPS- Oh yeah, I wasn't going to talk about that anymore. PPPPPS- People realizing very late in the game that Bush is a total moron. I mean 39%? If he doesn't get his shit together soon I'm going to have to lend him my monkey on life support, who could certainly do a better job at running this country into the ground. That is all.
Friday, October 14, 2005 And so it is...and so it was- a total moratorium on anything relating to dating, love or sex. Methinks Bush and my (in)ability to get less fat/drunk will provide quite enough material to get us through this river of shit so we can come out clean on the other side. (Pretty much only my dad will get that reference). Unless anyone else does- in that case I'll meet you in Zihuatanejo. You've come this far so I'll bring the hemlock.
Thursday, October 13, 2005 On a side note: back on horses and shit like that. I have date tomorrow. He is 30, Jewish, works in finance, owns in Manhattan and used to play college basketball (tall, athletic Jewish boys are about as common as Jewish boys who take communion). My mother is going to read this and have a wet dream that will require a cigarette upon completion. I, on the other hand, will most likely hate him. I've always had more of a penchant for the long haired bad boys who could have been taking AP calculus but were too busy cutting school in the parking lot and smoking schwag with their borderline braindead friends. Ah yes, the boys who are, probably, for lack of completed degrees due to aforementioned smoking of schwag in parking lots, old and fat with fifteen kids and a low level coke problem (crappy coke too since they can't afford the disco shit). Yup...my boys. Hopefully I've grown out of this- but probably not. Besides- this guy is surely a Republican. I had one of those and it took me two years of walking women into abortion clinics to get clean from that. Oh well. Keep your fingers crossed for me because something better work out soon. Remember the mouse I mentioned as my only living companion? Yeah, well it crawled into a hole and fucking died. It's possible that God and I could be at a stalemate but I'm still probably going to side with Nietzsche. Forget about the whirlwind- I'm pretty sure Nietzsche got the last word. UPDATE: Based on the response of the Mexican construction worker I just encountered on the street perhaps I should wear what I am wearing today on my date. Because hey- nothing says, "you look pretty" like a man moaning, "ummmm mami" while fondling his own crotch. Well, I'll bet he says that to all the girls.....but the genital rubbing- I think that part was just for me. Good times, good times. Mid-Day Report from the Cracker Factory v. I Mid-Day Report from the Cracker Factory v. II Mid-Day Report from the Cracker Factory v. III Mid-Day Report from the Cracker Factory v. VI Mid-Dat Report from the Cracker Factory v. V
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Time To Take The Cyanide Pill 
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