Time To Take The Cyanide Pill
Monday, November 28, 2005 Christ, I really need to get out more.  
Tuesday, November 22, 2005 So, instead of a redesign (which I'm working on because my friend N. hates the color scheme and without her I'd often have to resort to drinking alone) here, in it's original form, is the inaugural post from this blog.
Huh. Well, at least my tone has remained consistent. Speaking of consistency, no one is more shocked than I am that I made it past the one year mark. I have this nasty habit of never finishing anything that I start- projects, self-improvements, relationships etc. In fact, the only thing I finish with any real regularity is a bottle of wine when I open it. I know, I know, why my parents haven't had me euthanized or sold into white slavery is really anybodies guess. Seriously (or at least as serious as I can be), I'm shocked that I've kept writing- even with the breaks I've taken along the way. I guess that means I do it because I need to, not just because I want to. Last night while reading through the year's worth of writing I noticed how many different things this blog has been about and become. There was the political phase, the (attempt at) humor phase, the whining phase, and the recent and very annoying sex-in-the-city-single-girl-bullshit, which I'm hoping is more or less over. I guess you could say the blog is sort of a map of where my head has been in the last year. And yes, I am aware that at points this map indicates that one of the places my head has been is located squarely up my own ass. But, I guess that's all part of the fun. I hope I keep doing this. It'll be fun to see where my head goes in the next few years. Yeah- I'm rooting for not up my ass as well. So thanks to Blogger for hosting this broadband sucking piece of shit for free, thanks to anyone who reads the crap I put out into cyberspace, and thanks especially to the free HTML tutorials I've taken, which not only make this blog possible, but also made it so that I can understand why a T-Shirt that says: < .tits. > < / tits > is so fucking funny. And now, before I make myself sick with all this sincerity and whatnot I'd like to leave you with a dirty little poem I picked up in Vegas a while back. Because for some reason that makes sense to me. Here's to a woman with whom I've been To her lustrous hair and her radiant skin..... She ain't got her cherry, but that ain't no sin 'Cause she's still got the box that the cherry came in. Thank you.
How Many Bloggers Does it Take to Tie on a Buzz?
 Well, apparently it takes 4 of us (Kevin,CW, Ryan and Yukiko and me). And tie one on we did. And so it was: Blogger Khaaaaaan '05. Please note: all of this began in a bar that was having something called Free Turkey Night. I shit you not- this little Irish pub on the Upper East Side in which I assumed Free Turkey Night meant that you could order a slice of turkey gratis with your meal. Oh no. There was a big fat fucking turkey in the middle of the bar with a giant knife stuck in it. And people would casually walk up to the big fat fucking turkey and hack themselves off a slice. I'd like to say that we, collectively, were not those people. I'd also like to say that we didn't make a toast with the turkey we'd hacked off.....but hey, I'm a drunk- not a liar. I'm also, apparently, a total tool. Whatever- when life puts a big fat fucking free turkey in your face you hack yourself off a slice. I dare anyone reading this to say different. Speaking of being dorks- we all kinda geeked out for a while and talked about our blogs, our servers, and migrating to moveable type. Yeah- between that and the toasting with turkey it's clear that the title of the "cool kids in the parking lot" was so totally ours. But then the booze began to flow and the conversation turned to sex, drugs and movie quotes. (Why do my conversations always turn to these things? Is it me or does this happen to everyone?) The conversation then turned back to the blogosphere and some others on our rolls who couldn't be there for blogger khaaaaann. This quickly deteriorated into an homage to Charlie and Scarlett over at Karmic Irony and resulted in me having a picture taken of the name of their blog written in Japanese on a napkin and stuck to my cleavage. Even I have enough class to not post this here but, Charlie, Scarlett- say the word and this can appear in your inbox. Between this and the round of Kitchen Sink Leg Spreader shots I ordered for everyone I really feel as though I did a good job proving to both the world and my fellow bloggers that I am indeed every bit as obnoxious in real life as I appear on these here internets. Yea me. Overall I had a blast and can't wait for Blogger Khaaaan 06. I'll bring the turkey. Who's with me? I saiiiid, "Who's with me?"....
Sunday, November 20, 2005 Sometimes, the world tries to send you a message. Between this, and the guy last week who couldn't get it up (no, it's not OK, and it doesn't happen to everyone) I think I'm hearing this message loud and clear. I am officially on hiatus until after the new year. I'm going to work, run (guess whose favorite soon to be not so fat assed blogger ran a 9 minute mile last week?), write, play blackjack, buy something battery operated and shut the fuck up about men for a while. That is all.
Thursday, November 10, 2005  Blogger Khaaaaaann '05. It's so on (Yeah- I know....I'm a tool). More on this later......
Thursday, November 03, 2005 I did not get into work until noon today. I drank too much last night. I may have french fries for lunch. Fuck off- it's my birthday. It's entirely plausible that I am still a little bit drunk from last night...and it's 2PM. Way to welcome in the late 20's kid. My parents must be so proud.
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Time To Take The Cyanide Pill 
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